just thinking

So Im trying to put the little chunks of my life back together again and I have to stop and think "What am I trying to create here?" Stability? Im just not sure at the moment. Kids are doing pretty good considering all the changes that have been going on. They seem to be emotionally holding up better than I do per say. Part of me craves that normal life and the other part is just dying for the changes that are presenting themselves almost daily. Hmmm...Im in need of a mind clearing day. I might have to take one soon.  The 8-5 M-F is probably not going to suit me forever.

and exhale......

My Mother's Day Fiasco....
Boston's mothers day card to me says "Mom, you are the best cooker in the world. Like every good woman should be".

And he's 7.

I quit.

The little things that you take for granted.

Shoes.
The ability to wear athletic shoes/no shoes at all whenever you want. Thats one major thing i really miss about being a stay at home mom. I type this as I am sitting here at my desk in heels, dreading having to walk down the stairs again. Knowing that under these shoes I have bright pink toenails all ready for summer is a blessing and I am sooooo looking forrward to letting them see daylight.

Adding a little color to our lives...

We went and picked out paint colors for their rooms today. I will pick up the paint for them on monday, so that gives me most of the day tomorrow to work on my living room, kitchen, and dining room areas.
Boston picked a super dark teal, Natalie a classic little girl lavender, and Lucas settled for a dark navy after i argued for a bit that Black was not an option. He's 6 for goodness sake, he does not need a black room.

I am officially starting the "we" to "me" process.
Todays accomplishments brought a smile to my face.
I managed to prep my former accent wall for paint tomorrow, and then i took apart my filthy oven (courtesy of my former renters) and scrubbed it down and actually repaired the handle on it. I am proud of me!
I did get a little spackle happy and tomorrow in the daylight i will actually take a before picture of my wall before I paint it. I've never been excited to do home repair before, but strangely it feels like im repairing a bit of my soul thats been banged up and damaged, Alot like my house. I think I'm going to like this process..

Who knew....

Life changes without warning sometimes. Mine sure did. Its hard now but....I Imagine that it will get much much easier with time.

My 10 year marriage has dissolved.
I've moved back to my hometown.
I now work full time outside the home, something I havent done much of in a long long time. It feels as if several doors are closing and a few select windows have opened wide. Im finally getting used to the idea of "me" not attatched to Tom. In fact....I'm dating.  ::Gasp::  I know, I know.....but its not what you think. No rebound here. I'm not that kind of girl. In fact, I REALLY like this guy. We can laugh and enjoy eachother, dream together, and talk of future plans. It also helps that we have a mutual love of bacon ;). I get to be "ME" for the first time in a long long time. Enjoy the things that I like to do and love who and what I want without being criticized by myself for loving something different that what other people do.  I can honestly say that I finally love me enough to care about what I want out of life for myself and my children.
Ive still got a couple of chickens, a cat, a dog, and a few unwanted fish.....not to mention shared custody of the 3 most wonderful little munchkins on the planet. I split the time with their father half and half. We both refuse to be greedy on this situation which is really really great.  In the end I would like to maintain a decent relationship with the father of my children. Its what everyone deserves.